Today marks 1 month since sweet little Miss Kitty passed away. It's been quite a tough month as I readjusted to life sans my furry 4-legged child. I found out through the friend who let me know she was up for adoption that Kitty's furry papa passed away the month prior in the same way, so there was clearly something amiss in her genetic soup. That knowledge helped a little, because it drove home that there really was nothing I could have done to prevent her death, but I'm still rather sad and heart-broken. It's amazing to me how our little critters can so completely entwine themselves into our own makeup as "parents". Even more so than our human children, our pets are completely dependent upon us for everything (although Kitty would swipe me with a furry paw for saying it and emphatically deny this truth). And while the loss of a pet could never really compare to the loss of a human child, it's no less gut-wrenching (especially for those of us who have no human children).
But I can look out my bedroom window everyday and see where she rests, and that helps a little.
The month was busy enough to provide few moments to wallow in my sadness. In between work and the ordinary chaos of life, I spent the month sorting, donating and packing, preparing to move in with friends to house-share. This move marked the 6th (yes...I said 6th) in 5 years. And as me dear mudder pointed out this weekend, it's the 12th in about 18 years. Some might say I can't find a spot and stay in it. Some could be right, but I prefer to think of it as being versatile and unafraid of change. (LMAO - even I can't spread that manure with a straight face) Or maybe - I just get bored??? Hmmm...
At any rate, the move occurred this past weekend, and except for a few odds and ends that still need to be sorted, I'm all done. It's nice to be back in a house and out of a box. It's nice having a yard. Dogs and a crotchety old cat. A patio. A sun deck. Friends I get to see every day. A hot tub. (Oh yeah - that's right - a hot tub - loving that part soooo much)
So, that's my news. What's new with you?
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
A week late and $$$$$ more...
Finally! I am in business again! My new Dell arrived today, exactly one week after the FIRST one I purchase and subsequently canceled. I think I'm going to be glad that I got mad and through more money at them...this Ultrabook is pretty freakin' cool. Weighs next to nothing and the whole thing is no thicker than the lid on my old Studio 17" (may she rest in peace).
Now, if life will settle down enough so that I can focus on a single thought for longer than 30 seconds, I might actually be able to get back to my writing project!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Ghouls, Goblins and Ghosties
Okay...just ghosties, but you know how I love my alliteration.
Why a ghost post you ask? Well, I'm playing around with ideas for a writing project, and the idea of telling a ghost story keeps haunting me.
Hahahaha. I know...that was lame. Sorry.
Seriously speaking, it is an idea that fascinates me a little. I've done a little googling, and Portland has a very rich "ghostly" history -there's Nina (NYE-nah) who "lives" in Old Towne Pizza (aka The Merchant Hotel), reports of strange events at both The Benson and Heathman Hotels, the Portland Underground (aka Shanghai Tunnels) and of course, Thelma in Cathedral Park. (And Mom - even Pittock Mansion is said to be haunted by the spirits of its former residents!)
As much as I love "old Portland" homes, I've seen just enough episodes of Ghost Hunters to know that should I ever win the lotto and actually be able to afford to own a home again, I'm building new. I'll copy that style that I love so much, but ain't no way I'm buying original...too many things that go bump in the night. But this is exactly the idea I'm playing with as the basis for my story -- I just have to figure out the who/when/where/why of it all.
Why a ghost post you ask? Well, I'm playing around with ideas for a writing project, and the idea of telling a ghost story keeps haunting me.
Hahahaha. I know...that was lame. Sorry.
Seriously speaking, it is an idea that fascinates me a little. I've done a little googling, and Portland has a very rich "ghostly" history -there's Nina (NYE-nah) who "lives" in Old Towne Pizza (aka The Merchant Hotel), reports of strange events at both The Benson and Heathman Hotels, the Portland Underground (aka Shanghai Tunnels) and of course, Thelma in Cathedral Park. (And Mom - even Pittock Mansion is said to be haunted by the spirits of its former residents!)
As much as I love "old Portland" homes, I've seen just enough episodes of Ghost Hunters to know that should I ever win the lotto and actually be able to afford to own a home again, I'm building new. I'll copy that style that I love so much, but ain't no way I'm buying original...too many things that go bump in the night. But this is exactly the idea I'm playing with as the basis for my story -- I just have to figure out the who/when/where/why of it all.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Jumping off the merry-go-round...
It's a new year, and as such, I'm trying very hard to make some positive changes - for my health - for my peace of mind - for my future. Life was so much simpler when we were kids and had no real concept of there being consequences to the choices we make over time. Nothing was really all that hard (except math), and Mom was always around to make me feel better if something hurt. Things could be easily fixed with a band-aid and a kiss.
If only life were still that simple. If only there were a switch you could flip that could undo a lifetime of bad habits...a reset button of sorts. If you could only go back, knowing what you know now, and make different, better choices. There's a great deal that I would recreate to be as it is now, but there are a few specific habits that I would change.
1) I'd learn to examine my feelings and deal with them. Not eat them.
2) I would have never stopped riding my bike. I used to love peddling as fast as I could down the drive, wind in my hair...
3) I'd have never lit that first cigarette.
But the thing is...you can't go back. You can only go forward -- hopefully finding a way to break the cycle. It's hard. I want easy. I'm into instant gratification. I want to wiggle my nose in my best "Bewitched" style and having everything I want the way I want it NOW. It doesn't work that way. One step forward - two steps back. The cycle continues. It's like being on a merry-go-round and spinning out of control. How do you make it stop? How do you jump off without falling down?
I guess the answer is...close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump. And if you fall down, get up again and keep trying. One thing at a time...one day at a time. Eventually, those days add up.
So, here I go...
Day 1
# of cigarettes: 4 -- last of the pack - back on the patch.
Blood sugar - 188 - down from yesterday's 230, thanks to better food choices -- no sweets or junk food -- fruits, veggies, protein and low carbs...
...one day at a time...one moment...one choice...
If only life were still that simple. If only there were a switch you could flip that could undo a lifetime of bad habits...a reset button of sorts. If you could only go back, knowing what you know now, and make different, better choices. There's a great deal that I would recreate to be as it is now, but there are a few specific habits that I would change.
1) I'd learn to examine my feelings and deal with them. Not eat them.
2) I would have never stopped riding my bike. I used to love peddling as fast as I could down the drive, wind in my hair...
3) I'd have never lit that first cigarette.
But the thing is...you can't go back. You can only go forward -- hopefully finding a way to break the cycle. It's hard. I want easy. I'm into instant gratification. I want to wiggle my nose in my best "Bewitched" style and having everything I want the way I want it NOW. It doesn't work that way. One step forward - two steps back. The cycle continues. It's like being on a merry-go-round and spinning out of control. How do you make it stop? How do you jump off without falling down?
I guess the answer is...close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump. And if you fall down, get up again and keep trying. One thing at a time...one day at a time. Eventually, those days add up.
So, here I go...
Day 1
# of cigarettes: 4 -- last of the pack - back on the patch.
Blood sugar - 188 - down from yesterday's 230, thanks to better food choices -- no sweets or junk food -- fruits, veggies, protein and low carbs...
...one day at a time...one moment...one choice...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Like sands through the hourglass...
...these are the days of our lives...and these days, my life can be summed up in one word...
W O R K !
Seriously. WTF. Six and seven day weeks just trying to keep my head above water as we moved into the last 2 day conference of the year (which was over on Thursday). I'm not complaining (entirely), but it's hard to imagine where the time has gone. It really feels like yesterday was August, and now we're in the middle of November? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?! Ahhh well...I guess that's what they call "job security", right?
Anyway, now that this event is behind me for a few months, I can kick back and focus on some fun stuff...well, non-work fun stuff, 'cause I actually like my job and have had fun working in all this crazy. Just sayin'.
In other news, I'm trying to quit smoking for the 9532676th time, and today is day 7 on the patch. I will confess I had a bit of a stumble on days 4 and 5...pretty much fell off the proverbial wagon the evening of day 4 and struggled to climb back on during day 5, but since yesterday I have been back at the reins, driving ahead. (I'm going to blame a build up of stress and this stupid patch for that pathetically bad metaphorical vomit). In my defense, day 5 was a conference day. I'm still not sure what possessed me to begin this little adventure in the MIDDLE of our event, but there you have it. As I told someone at the office, I have never been accused of being all that bright when it comes to these major lifestyle changes we toy with from time to time.
All in all, I feel pretty good about it. Naturally, having the patch helps tremendously...what I'm struggling with is missing the act of smoking. As nasty a habit as it is, it's always been one that I rather enjoyed. I think I'm going to order some of those electronic ciggies - they do come with 0 nicotine cartridges, so I could use them with the patch for those times when I just feel I can't go any longer. Maybe simulating the experience will keep me from ripping the patch off my arm and trying to roll it and smoke it. Hahahaha.
Here is the part where I would continue with the rest of that other news I mentioned above, only I haven't been anywhere besides work and my apartment in so long, that there just is no other news to report. Unless you count how brilliantly I have demonstrated my ability to be useless and lazy in the last 48 hours. I've taken vegetative to a whole new level -- for real -- next to me these last 2 days, broccoli would appear to be almost acrobatic. If the Olympics ever decided to make napping a recognized sport, I'd take the gold without a doubt!
W O R K !
Seriously. WTF. Six and seven day weeks just trying to keep my head above water as we moved into the last 2 day conference of the year (which was over on Thursday). I'm not complaining (entirely), but it's hard to imagine where the time has gone. It really feels like yesterday was August, and now we're in the middle of November? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?! Ahhh well...I guess that's what they call "job security", right?
Anyway, now that this event is behind me for a few months, I can kick back and focus on some fun stuff...well, non-work fun stuff, 'cause I actually like my job and have had fun working in all this crazy. Just sayin'.
In other news, I'm trying to quit smoking for the 9532676th time, and today is day 7 on the patch. I will confess I had a bit of a stumble on days 4 and 5...pretty much fell off the proverbial wagon the evening of day 4 and struggled to climb back on during day 5, but since yesterday I have been back at the reins, driving ahead. (I'm going to blame a build up of stress and this stupid patch for that pathetically bad metaphorical vomit). In my defense, day 5 was a conference day. I'm still not sure what possessed me to begin this little adventure in the MIDDLE of our event, but there you have it. As I told someone at the office, I have never been accused of being all that bright when it comes to these major lifestyle changes we toy with from time to time.
All in all, I feel pretty good about it. Naturally, having the patch helps tremendously...what I'm struggling with is missing the act of smoking. As nasty a habit as it is, it's always been one that I rather enjoyed. I think I'm going to order some of those electronic ciggies - they do come with 0 nicotine cartridges, so I could use them with the patch for those times when I just feel I can't go any longer. Maybe simulating the experience will keep me from ripping the patch off my arm and trying to roll it and smoke it. Hahahaha.
Here is the part where I would continue with the rest of that other news I mentioned above, only I haven't been anywhere besides work and my apartment in so long, that there just is no other news to report. Unless you count how brilliantly I have demonstrated my ability to be useless and lazy in the last 48 hours. I've taken vegetative to a whole new level -- for real -- next to me these last 2 days, broccoli would appear to be almost acrobatic. If the Olympics ever decided to make napping a recognized sport, I'd take the gold without a doubt!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
The Week In 5 Words
Nearly kicked my ass...hard.
I'd say that about sums it up! OMG WTF. This week started out as just painful. I was feeling so much stress and anxiety over several things, not the least of which was the "crucial conversation" that I knew I was going to have to have. I literally loathe having those kinds of talks. I don't feel that I do them well, and the heart of what I have to say always gets tangled up when I try to spit the words out. I'd much rather just write you a letter and explain all the reasons that you are driving me crazy or pissing me off or stressing me out. But, this isn't Jr. High. We're adults. We SHOULD be able to speak actual words. Ugh. In some ways, I think it's easier to be an emotional 12 year old and just ignore the issues and be passive/aggressive towards the person who is doing the crazy-making; however, there's that part where I am an adult. I swear, if they put all the icky parts of being mature and grown up in the brochure, no teenager would EVER be in a hurry to become a grown up. Sometimes, it just sucks.
Anyway, the talk did happen. And in the end, I think it was ok. It was a cathartic exercise for me at least, and it did feel good (in some ways) after it was over, because my brain finally cleared up a bit and I could focus on other things. I'm not sure if everything I said truly sunk in -- it seemed to take us from one extreme to the next. We'll see how things progress. I really am fond of this particular individual, and I didn't like the sense of "Oh God...what do you want now?!" that was beginning to develop. Hopefully, this talk gave us a chance to establish some effective boundaries for moving forward.
It's sort of a shame that the week went as it did (although, it wasn't a total wash -- I got lots done towards the end of the week, and I felt good about that), because I started out feeling so positive about things. I was motivated to really start kicking some creative butt. Instead, I let myself get derailed by the other. I guess it's baby steps...but I'm still here, even if I am crawling.
I'd say that about sums it up! OMG WTF. This week started out as just painful. I was feeling so much stress and anxiety over several things, not the least of which was the "crucial conversation" that I knew I was going to have to have. I literally loathe having those kinds of talks. I don't feel that I do them well, and the heart of what I have to say always gets tangled up when I try to spit the words out. I'd much rather just write you a letter and explain all the reasons that you are driving me crazy or pissing me off or stressing me out. But, this isn't Jr. High. We're adults. We SHOULD be able to speak actual words. Ugh. In some ways, I think it's easier to be an emotional 12 year old and just ignore the issues and be passive/aggressive towards the person who is doing the crazy-making; however, there's that part where I am an adult. I swear, if they put all the icky parts of being mature and grown up in the brochure, no teenager would EVER be in a hurry to become a grown up. Sometimes, it just sucks.
Anyway, the talk did happen. And in the end, I think it was ok. It was a cathartic exercise for me at least, and it did feel good (in some ways) after it was over, because my brain finally cleared up a bit and I could focus on other things. I'm not sure if everything I said truly sunk in -- it seemed to take us from one extreme to the next. We'll see how things progress. I really am fond of this particular individual, and I didn't like the sense of "Oh God...what do you want now?!" that was beginning to develop. Hopefully, this talk gave us a chance to establish some effective boundaries for moving forward.
It's sort of a shame that the week went as it did (although, it wasn't a total wash -- I got lots done towards the end of the week, and I felt good about that), because I started out feeling so positive about things. I was motivated to really start kicking some creative butt. Instead, I let myself get derailed by the other. I guess it's baby steps...but I'm still here, even if I am crawling.
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